Parenting Tip 5

Make them independent

“When parents do too much for their children, the children will not do much for themselves”- Elbert Hubbard.

A few weeks ago, I went to my friend's house whose little girl was playing with her toys. Sometime later she dropped her toys and couldn't reach it. She started crying, screaming for her mother to help her. As soon as her mother heard her voice she came running and picked up the toys for her. You all must be wondering so what? Most of us will do the same but unfortunately, by picking the toy for the child, we are missing an opportunity to teach problem-solving to them. Instead of picking the toys to ask the kid to pick the toys if required help/guide them. Also by asking the kid to help themselves, we are sending a message to the kid that even if you cry or scream your parents will not come and fix things for you.

Independence breeds self-confidence. Research reveals that children who are trained to be independent early in their lives have a greater desire to achieve in school/college. The traits that characterized a self-sufficient child- a willingness to explore freely, the ability to feel good about accomplishments-are the same ones that characterize a receptive learner. These few approaches can help to raise an autonomous, self-reliant child:-

v    First and foremost important tip- Don’t rush. Take a step-by-step gradual pace towards raising a self-determining child.

v     Accept their choices, opinions, attitude, personality, and physical appearance. Acceptance is vital. Accepting them as they are, boost their morale and ability to be themselves.

v    Guide them without micro-managing them.

v    Ensure that they just aren’t people pleaser or attention seeker who just wants to succeed to impress people rather than themselves.

v    Edify them that their decisions and opinion matters the most and what others will think or say is none of your business.

v    Accept them and teach them to accept others as they are.

v    Train them to face their fear and come out of their comfort zone.

v    Even if you have a personal vehicle teach them to travel by public transport. Occasionally travel by metro, public buses, trains, share auto rickshaws or taxis with them.

v    If they can and are able to allow them to do things (start with basic) that they can and should do for themselves.

v    Money is an important element if not the only element to live a peaceful life so it’s vital to encourage saving habits since inception (start with a small amount every month and gradually increase it).

v    Ensure that they aren’t morally or emotionally too attached to anyone or anything so that even if they lose their most valuable thing or person they will never feel isolated or depressed.

v    Foster intrinsic motivation so that they achieve their goals in spite of problems, not in the absence of them.

v    Persuade them to give their best in whatever they do.

v    Time is really real money. Wasting time is like wasting money. Teach them how procrastination is a thief of time and how they show plan each day so that once they grow up they can easily plan their lives.

v    Persuade them to find a hobby that helps them to productively utilize their spare time rather than spending on playing video games, games on mobiles/ laptop/computer or too much internet surfing.

v    Teach your grown-up children to cook for themselves (yes, even your boys).

v    Finally, teach them to accept the fact that life isn’t fair still good.

Parenting Tip 4

 Give them the freedom to pursue their passion

“Listen to the desires of your children. Encourage them and then give them the autonomy to make their own decisions” – Denis Waitley.

Merriam-Webster defines Passion as a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something. We often hear statements like-

·                     "I want my child to become a doctor, a doctor makes much more".

·                     "I want my child to get a government job. It's recession proof".

·                     “I don’t want my child to become a dancer/singer/actor since only one in lakhs achieves success”.

Please, please don’t allow your beliefs, ideas or fear act as a stumbling block in their journey. “Everyone has a right to think, act, like and work differently which includes children. They have the right to discover and explore their talent and ardor. Your life purpose may differ from your kids, accept it and appreciate them. Neither you are wrong nor are they, both just are different individuals with dissimilar likings. Here are a few proven strategies to support your children to discover and chase their fervor:-

·        Identify their area of interest and short/long term goals.

·        Allow them to be creative and think outside the box. I know they will make mistakes/fail but it’s your responsibility as a parent to ensure that they learn from them.

·        Nurture their dreams and curiosity (even silly ones).

·        Provide them the required resources (to the best of your ability) to horn their skills and competencies. To sharpen up their skills/ competencies seek help from an expert in that area.

·        Dig deeper to encourage creative ideas. Tutor them, train them and hearten their curiosity even if you don’t understand them.

·        Help them explore several career choices and select the most appropriate one. Let them discover various horizons which are expandable and flexible in their desired area of interest. For e.g.:- if he/she is interested in sports, he/she can not only become a great sportsperson but also become commentators, sports journalist, sports psychotherapist, coach, or even sportswear/ clothing/ accessory designer.  Honor their confidence, self-esteem, and risk-taking ability.

·        Commit to their belief. Show trust and faith in them.

Stop being bossy. Every child deserves an opportunity where he/she can learn, grow, explore, develop and succeed. Where they can try different things, unlearn, relearn and mature as a well-rounded balanced person.

Parenting Tip 3

Appreciate them generously:-

“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them”- Bill Ayers.

Appreciating is free of cost but the incentives are amazing especially if you find better ways to appreciate your kid. Here are golden lines to show your appreciation and delight them:-

ü    Thank you for using golden words like ‘Please’, ‘Thank You’, ‘Sorry’ and ‘Excuse Me’.

ü    Thanks for doing your studies without my asking.

ü    I appreciate your honesty and kindness.

ü    I love gardening/ cooking/ eating/ drawing/ praying/ reading with you.

ü    My favorite time during the day is when we play/pray/eat together.

ü    Thanks for tiding up your games/ toys/ cupboard.

ü    I love hearing from your sign.

ü    I am pleased about the way to treat your elders and younger ones.

ü    Aww…you remember my favourite colour/ food/film/ T.V show. Thank you so much dear!

ü    I am glad about how patiently you cared for your younger brother/sister (if they have any) when I was busy.

ü    Thank you for washing your hands and feet before each meal.

ü    Thank you for helping m in peeling potatoes/ washing fruits or doing the household activity.

ü    You arranged all your toys/ books today. That’s really great.

ü    You have the prettiest smile in the world.

ü    Thank you, sweetie, for your kiss or hug.

ü    You are looking beautiful/ handsome in this dress.

ü    Thank you for remembering my (or any family members) birthday or anniversary.

ü    Thanks for such a beautiful card/gift. I will always treasure it.

ü    I like your confidence when you try something new/different.

ü    You have such a big heart! Thank you for donating your old clothes/ toys/ books to the needy ones.

ü    I can completely trust you and rely on you.

All these powerful words will surely help you to raise a blissful, fervent, involved and gritty child.

Parenting Tip 2

Be a role model:-

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they never fail to imitate them” – James Baldwin.

An old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law and a five-year-old granddaughter Nisha. The old man's eyesight, hand and legs were weak which made it difficult to perform his routine task. Once he even broke a plate and a bowl because of blur eyesight. Even on the dining table, his hands trembled and food felt on the table cloth floor. This irritated his son and daughter-in-law so they decided to get a small table in the corner where the grandfather ate alone in his wooden bowl and plate. This would upset the old man. Occasionally even tears were rolling down his eyes but his son and daughter-in-law never paid attention to it while Nisha watches it silently. One morning before breakfast Nisha's father saw her playing with wooden items and inquired about it, to which she sweetly replied that she was making a dish, spoon and bowl for him and mom to eat their food once they have grown old. Her parents were shocked and surprised by her answer and speechless for a few minutes. That morning, the son and his wife touched his father's feet and bought him back to the family dining table and never bothered about the broken dishes and soiled table cloth.

Just remember that your child will follow your example, not advice. Be careful with your actions because you reap what you sow, to be your kid/s role model you don't have to become any well-known actor, sportsman, business tycoon, or public figure just be someone whom your child aspire to be like in the future and want to emulate. Become an inspiration ideal whose behavior, attitude, example, success even failure lessons they admire and learn from them. Role modeling can be positive or negative. Positive role modeling helps you to identify the problem (if any), stay calm, cool and composed, earn not demand respect and makes you dependable; in a nutshell, you become the best version of yourself. Being a role model is challenging but rewarding task which can be done by following a healthy lifestyle, patient listening and respecting others views, opinions, suggestions and ideas (even if you don't agree with them), serving/helping others, developing empathy, building up affirmative approach, accepting responsibility for our actions and importantly being firm on our values and principles because any fruit doesn't fall far from its trees.

Parenting Tip 1

Show your love

“Even as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It’s about hanging on during a very bumpy ride”- Ron Taffel.

Here is a quiz for all my sweet loving parents. Please honestly answer the below questions: - Yes (Y)/ No (N).

a.                   Do you accept your child’s weakness?

b.                  Do you often play with them (even with your grownups)?

c.                   Do you allow them to make mistakes (of course rectification is important)

d.                  Do you allow them to figure out solutions to their problems (with your help and guidance)?

e.                   Do you use empathy rather than punishing them for the mistakes?

f.                   Do you accept your mistakes and say “will you please forgive me” or “can I rectify my mistake?

g.                  Do you talk to them every day?

h.                  In a day do you say, “I love you” or hug them, even for no reason?

i.                    Do you respect their privacy?

j.                    Do you ensure that they eat a healthy meal every day?

k.                  Do you value their simple efforts?

l.                    Do you appreciate their decisions?

m.                Can you identify when they are stressed, tired or exhausted?

n.                  Do you often read/sign/dance with them?

o.                  Do you eat a family meal together at least once in a day? (Any meal breakfast/ lunch/dinner).

p.                  Do you turn off your cell phones, laptops or computer when the kids call you?

q.                  Do you speak with them with a softer tone of voice?

r.                    Do you control your anger when you are not in a good mood or upset about something?

s.                   Do you trust them and show your trust?

t.                    Can they openly share their feeling with you?

If most of the answers to the above questions are YES than Congratulations you show your child your love for them. Yes, I mean it. We don't have to buy expensive gifts or plan big holiday trips or throw a huge birthday party for them to show our love. On the contrary, if you really want your child to love you shift your focus on practicing all the above 20 points and converting each of them into a BIG YES and it's a secret to love your child unconditionally!

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