Parenting Tip 5

Make them independent

“When parents do too much for their children, the children will not do much for themselves”- Elbert Hubbard.

A few weeks ago, I went to my friend's house whose little girl was playing with her toys. Sometime later she dropped her toys and couldn't reach it. She started crying, screaming for her mother to help her. As soon as her mother heard her voice she came running and picked up the toys for her. You all must be wondering so what? Most of us will do the same but unfortunately, by picking the toy for the child, we are missing an opportunity to teach problem-solving to them. Instead of picking the toys to ask the kid to pick the toys if required help/guide them. Also by asking the kid to help themselves, we are sending a message to the kid that even if you cry or scream your parents will not come and fix things for you.

Independence breeds self-confidence. Research reveals that children who are trained to be independent early in their lives have a greater desire to achieve in school/college. The traits that characterized a self-sufficient child- a willingness to explore freely, the ability to feel good about accomplishments-are the same ones that characterize a receptive learner. These few approaches can help to raise an autonomous, self-reliant child:-

v    First and foremost important tip- Don’t rush. Take a step-by-step gradual pace towards raising a self-determining child.

v     Accept their choices, opinions, attitude, personality, and physical appearance. Acceptance is vital. Accepting them as they are, boost their morale and ability to be themselves.

v    Guide them without micro-managing them.

v    Ensure that they just aren’t people pleaser or attention seeker who just wants to succeed to impress people rather than themselves.

v    Edify them that their decisions and opinion matters the most and what others will think or say is none of your business.

v    Accept them and teach them to accept others as they are.

v    Train them to face their fear and come out of their comfort zone.

v    Even if you have a personal vehicle teach them to travel by public transport. Occasionally travel by metro, public buses, trains, share auto rickshaws or taxis with them.

v    If they can and are able to allow them to do things (start with basic) that they can and should do for themselves.

v    Money is an important element if not the only element to live a peaceful life so it’s vital to encourage saving habits since inception (start with a small amount every month and gradually increase it).

v    Ensure that they aren’t morally or emotionally too attached to anyone or anything so that even if they lose their most valuable thing or person they will never feel isolated or depressed.

v    Foster intrinsic motivation so that they achieve their goals in spite of problems, not in the absence of them.

v    Persuade them to give their best in whatever they do.

v    Time is really real money. Wasting time is like wasting money. Teach them how procrastination is a thief of time and how they show plan each day so that once they grow up they can easily plan their lives.

v    Persuade them to find a hobby that helps them to productively utilize their spare time rather than spending on playing video games, games on mobiles/ laptop/computer or too much internet surfing.

v    Teach your grown-up children to cook for themselves (yes, even your boys).

v    Finally, teach them to accept the fact that life isn’t fair still good.